TV Licensing Letter

November 17, 2006 at 9:09 pm Leave a comment

John Hales

TV Licensing

Bristol

BS98 1TL

Dear John,

Thank you for your enquiry pertaining to my apparent lack of a TV licence. I would like to set the record straight in this regard. I actually do have a TV licence, but it is nonexistent, like my TV. I was under the impression that a nonexistent licence was valid for a nonexistent TV. Is this correct?

If my nonexistent licence has expired, I would be grateful if you could renew it. For this reason I have enclosed the blank application form you generously provided, containing my nonexistent credit card details.

I have decided not to upgrade my licence to a real licence because, although I am impressed by the clear nonexistent benefits, I feel the £126.50 would be better spent on a top class sandwich.

Similarly, I have decided not to incur a £1000 fine. I would prefer to keep this money in reserve for future offences I may enjoy, such as indecent exposure.

In summary, I hope you will not find it necessary to caution me under the aptly named Police and Criminal Evidence Act 1984.

I must add that I was impressed to note your offer of a 50% reduction for blind people. This strikes me as a rather excellent marketing scheme and a very good incentive to poke my eyes out. However, since I would find poking my eyes out an activity in itself more enjoyable than watching your recent output, I am afraid I have to decline your kind offer.

Yours sincerely,

The Legal Occupier

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Entry filed under: Misc.

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